Staying Positive

2020 has been a challenging year. Not since the end of World War II in 1945 has any single event had either the scope or the impact of the covid-19 pandemic, let alone both. The whole world seems to be upside down, and most of its inhabitants are filled with a general sense of dread stemming from the uncertain times in which we find ourselves. Governmental restrictions in response to public health crises have left many of us without economic opportunity or the ability to meaningfully connect with one another, leading to an immeasurable increase in already alarming rates of mental illness and addiction issues. This has been further exacerbated by radical changes to society over the last two decades which have been fostered by rapid technological advances in the field of communication. The increased availability of information has been accompanied by commensurate dissemination of disinformation, and it's increasingly difficult to differentiate between the two or to know where to go when seeking unbiased and accurate reporting of current events. Political polarization and racial strife seem more extreme than at any time in my recollection, and it often feels like it's impossible to even engage in productive discourse since we can't consistently agree on the underlying facts of each issue. Fear and despair are running rampant with no end in sight, ravaging communities even more than the virus itself.

All of that notwithstanding, there are real and concrete ways in which I've been able to help myself cope with the frustration of lockdown and hardship. Most can best be summed up by the well known prayer commonly quoted as, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." This piece of advice has formed the backbone of the way I choose to live my life.

I'm unemployed and single, so it would be easy for me to focus on how badly I want a job and a girlfriend. Instead, I go out of my way to relish the autonomy granted to me by my independence. I'm excited for the day when I once again have someone to hold at night, but until then I'll never stop appreciating being able to spread out in bed and freely determine my own sleep schedule. Likewise, I'm eager to return to the structure and camaraderie of a workplace but am currently grateful for the flexibility I have with regard to my productivity. I can take breaks whenever I need them and choose to invest my daily hustle into any combination of code, music, and this blog. When inspiration strikes I'm always able to capitalize on it.

With regard to both romance and my career, I ultimately have very little control over the timeline because so much of each depends on chance. Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity, so all I can do is continue to grind every single day so that when opportunity does knock, I'm in the best possible position to capitalize on it. Even without any tangible and direct benefit, the payoff of a long day's coding is the knowledge that my skillset is more complete and my portfolio will be more impressive to potential employers. Similarly, suffering to complete a challenging workout is a lot easier when I remember that being in better shape improves my chances of attracting the woman of my dreams (in addition to having immediate positive effects on my mental state and physical health). It's human nature to struggle with delayed gratification, but investing in the future is absolutely essential in times like these.

Staying motivated can prove challenging without any direct consequences for slacking off, so I've learned to limit distractions to the greatest extent possible in order to reduce the temptation of wasting days on frivolity and the mindless consumption of entertainment. I used to play video games and smoke marijuana, but luckily have aged out of enjoying either of those things and have never been much of a drinker. I also made the decision a few years ago to stop ever watching movies or TV shows more than once, and have been amazed at how much my creative output has spiked as a result. Avoiding mindless rewatching frees up more hours of each day (especially during quarantine, as new content is harder than ever to produce) and this in turn improves productivity. It's important to be able to destress in the evening by checking out and living vicariously through fictional characters, but too much of this good thing isn't good any more. For the most part, I'm able to fall asleep quickly and without anxious soul-searching every time I lay my head down on the pillow following a day in which I learned and grew and built something new with my own two hands. Anxiety is the feeling of excess energy in the body, so exhausting myself both physically and mentally is the only way to ensure healthy sleep. This in turn allows me to function at a higher level the following day and progressively increase my capacity in all areas. Stagnation is death, so I consciously choose struggle over ennui.

Majoring in journalism at university imbued in me the deep understanding that bias is inherent and that media companies are corporations like any others - their duty is to their shareholders, not to their customers or any ephemeral virtue such as honesty. As such, it's important to remember that news agencies are incentivized to catastrophize and fear monger, as this has been proven to be an effective way of driving engagement and thereby increasing ad revenue. I do make an effort to stay apprised of the goings on of the world, but I take everything with a grain of salt since the sky is never really falling and the truth is almost always various shades of grey. There may come a time when it really is rational to engage in the sort of handwringing one encounters constantly on the news, but even if that is the case they've cried wolf far too many times for me to be able to take them at face value. Better to emotionally invest in my own life and those of the people around me while letting the minutia of current events simply fall through the cracks and melt into the ether. The key is that I go out of my way to remember the extremity of the discourse and then verify if reality lines up with the prognostication. It almost never does, since dire predictions are typically intended to build consent and reinforce ideological leanings rather than to objectively inform the public of the facts they need in order to rationally and independently form their own opinions. Orwell's warnings about groupthink have never seemed more prescient, and opting out has allowed me to feel much more content.

I'm also extremely wary of social media companies, as I consider them to be a largely detrimental force in the global community. I don't have any social media apps on my phone and haven't posted anything at all in a number of years, although I do mindlessly scroll through Facebook on my computer a couple times each day. As a developer, I'm awed by the complexity and efficacy of the algorithms these leviathans use to tailor the experience of each user in order to maximize their engagement with the platform. As a human being, I'm gravely concerned about the downstream implications of each of us essentially living in a customized version of reality which prioritizes entertainment and outrage above all else. I have no interest in being unknowingly inducted into a tribe which reflexively demonizes all others, as I already have friends and family in the real world and I value what we have in common much more than the differences of opinion which make us unique. It's also rather troubling that if I were to measure myself against the online profiles of my contacts, I'd essentially be comparing the behind-the-scenes of my own life to their highlight reel. This seems a recipe for disaster, and I believe it to be intimately linked with the surges of discontent and materialistic consumerism humanity seems to be experiencing of late.

I strongly believe in democracy, so I place my faith more in democratic institutions and the public servants which comprise them than in any individual politician, party, or ideology. I know enough to understand that I'm not equipped to determine the ideal outcome of any election (I frankly don't think anyone can), so I choose to believe in the will of the people even when it differs from my own preference. There seems to be a consensus that it's impossible to remain apolitical in such charged times as these, but that perception is caused by recency bias. One simply has to resolve to ignore propaganda and remain above the fray of partisan squabbling. I do vote in elections, but my emotional state is in no way tied to the leadership of my own region or that of any other. Gandhi implored us to be the change we want to see in the world, so I try to embody that wisdom instead of allowing my optimism to rely in any way on external forces.

There is some daily variance with regard to exactly where I choose to invest my energy, but by the end of each week I'm slightly better than I was before at writing code, playing bass, and speaking Spanish. Taking control of my life in this way has allowed me to avoid feeling trapped or stagnant. I'm also perpetually grateful that I have many ways of keeping in touch with my loved ones even when we can't see each other in the flesh. This lockdown would have been much worse without smartphones and the internet; despite my previously stated reservations about the technological revolution, these inventions are like a knife and I use them as a tool instead of as a weapon. There are even some silver linings related to the measures we've taken to protect ourselves from the virus, an obvious example being that remote work has become more commonplace and consequently car accidents are down and pollution has decreased. Nothing lasts forever, and this too shall pass. In the meantime, all we can do is to heed the advice of Eric Idle and always look on the bright side of life.